IN 1995, I went to Chile's National 
Stadium to watch a soccer match. Soccer was something I neither enjoyed 
nor understood, but the game was hardly on my mind; instead, it was 
the arena.  
I was 20 years old and had come 
to Chile to study. I also hoped to meet some of the surviving allies 
of leftist President Salvador Allende, who had been toppled in the 1973 
coup by Gen. Augusto Pinochet. I didn't care that the team Colo Colo 
was playing Universidad de Chile, a squad affiliated with the college 
until 1980. I didn't understand why security police were everywhere, 
or why someone threw a flaming brick at me as I walked to the cheering 
section for La U, as the Universidad team is also known.  
All I could think of was: My God! 
This is National Stadium, where the bleachers were once filled with 
dissidents of every stripe after the coup, a mass waiting room for those 
about to be executed or tortured. This is where women were raped for 
the crime of wearing pants. 
And it was at nearby Chile Stadium 
where the great Victor Jara — the Bob Dylan of Chile and a political 
activist (or was Dylan the Victor Jara of the U.S.?) — was murdered 
by the Pinochet regime. Jara's fingers were mutilated in front of thousands 
of other prisoners. He attempted to sing songs of resistance, his hands 
bloody stumps, only to be gunned down as people in the stands tried 
to join him in chorus. 
I didn't want to be near these 
places any more than I would want to watch a baseball game at Auschwitz.  
But a friend saw the pained look 
on my face and started to explain some of the history behind this rivalry. 
I learned that Pinochet called himself "President of Colo Colo" 
during his rule. My friend, a former student at the university, told 
me that the school had been the center of radical ferment, which Pinochet 
crushed. He told me about the students tortured, murdered, disappeared 
or, if they were lucky, expelled — not from the school but from the 
country. He told me of the students who remained, forced to study in 
the gray conformity of dictatorship. He told me of programs called limpieza cabezas (head 
cleaning) in which students were forced to listen to lectures on neoliberal 
economics. 
All of a sudden it made sense to 
me why the tension in the stadium — five years after Pinochet had 
stepped down — was so palpable, with separate seating for La U and 
Colo Colo fans. 
By 1995, Chile had existed uneasily 
as a nominal democracy for four years. Yet there had been no reconciliation 
and no reckoning for the victims of the Pinochet era. Pinochet's rule 
led to the deaths or disappearances of nearly 3,200 people and the torture 
of thousands more. Yet no one had answered for these crimes. The general, 
as a condition for stepping down from power, had been allowed to rewrite 
the constitution to make him and his cohorts immune from prosecution. 
And he was also still in charge of the army.  
In such a climate, I realized why 
this was so much more than a game. It was a place of catharsis. In a 
country where emotive expressions are frowned upon, it was a place to 
scream to the heavens, to howl at injustice and to take a symbolic pound 
of flesh against your enemies — under the guise of a soccer match.  
It was also the place where I saw 
my first live soccer match. It was where I finally got it. The insane 
endurance on the field; the powerful fakes, twists and turns; the explosion 
with every goal. As a basketball junkie, I saw why this — and not 
hoops — was the beautiful game. Basketball, at its best, is about 
teamwork and acting in concert with others. But too often, it's one 
guy making a move while four stand around.  
That day, I didn't see anyone — 
players or spectators — just standing around. There I was, dancing 
in the aisles as La U and its fans avenged 20 years of pain and defeat. 
It felt good to imagine Pinochet hearing about this game and gnashing 
his capped teeth.  
Of course, neither I nor anyone 
in my section were fooling ourselves that this was somehow an actual 
"victory," with the fates of so many victims unresolved. It 
was symbolism, pure and simple. But it was also an expression of humanity, 
of resilience and release.  
Now Pinochet is dead, never forced to take residence in the cage he so richly deserved. But as a Chilean friend e-mailed me after Pinochet's death: "In Chile, we have always known the truth about this evil man. It does my heart well that jail was his immediate future, and that he knew it." This is right. Any public humiliation Pinochet received at the end was the result of a movement of ordinary folks who never gave up. If the cheers for La U back in 1995 offered even a shard of support to those who felt their cause was just, then it was worth every last exquisite shout.
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