For the Love of Ramsey, We Rename the Redskins

November 6, 2003
By: Dave Zirin

Back in the old west, when cowboys would call Native Americans 'Redskins', it wasn't just a term of the times or a slur of contempt, but a statement of a victor standing over his conquered and mutilated foe. A 'Redskin' was the scalp that a cowboy would cut off and hang on his belt along with 'raccoon skins", "fox skins" and anything else he could get paid for by the railroad magnates and Mining concerns looking to master the "untamed" West.
It was hard not to think of that image of the cowboy standing over his "conquered and mutilated foe", after seeing quarterback Patrick Ramsey battered like a Red Lobster Shrimp last Sunday against Bill Parcells' Cowboys. Coach Steve Spurrier's "Fun and Gun" looked like the "Cry and Die" as Cowboy safety Roy Williams and the rest of Dallas's defense took turns planting Ramsey in the ground as if he would one day bear fruit. Young Patrick's hands became black and blue gloves from repeatedly breaking his own fall. Spurrier could only watch with a look on his face like George W. Bush at a press conference: bewildered and furious at his own inability to comprehend or alter what was going on. As Tony Kornheiser said in the Washington Post Tuesday, "The Redskins can't seem to do the most basic things, like keep their quarterback alive."
I feel for Patrick Ramsey, and I even feel for the aw shucks pain of Steve Spurrier. But another season of Washington Football Futility tells us that it's time for change. Owner Danny Snyder may be able to, as he told Trey Wingo of ESPN "buy or sell any owner in this league," but comparing bank account size may be good for Danny's ego, (and Freudian theorists) but it doesn't return the goodwill and great vibes to this football mad town.
What a grand time to rename the Redskins! Now perhaps this isn't the most popular idea, but DC has as much to do with Native American "culture" as Utah has to do with "Jazz" (NBA) or Anaheim has to do with "Angels" (MLB) (or Washington has to do with "Freedom" [WUSA], but that's another column).
The time has come to shed the minstrelsy of the past and start anew. To aid this noble pursuit, we at the Edge of Sports have held a contest to rename the our squad. The winner will receive a year's subscription to the Prince George's Post, the finest community newspaper in all the land. After sifting through the countless entries, here is your top five:
5 - The Washington Dukes - Bernard from Cheverly. This was an office favorite, a tribute to the legendary musical favorite son Duke Ellington. I would also have been open to paying homage to that other DC musical mastermind Marvin Gaye, but that may be setting the bar a little high for DC football fans. One battle at a time.
4 - The Washington Tecumsehs - Suzzette from Berwyn Heights. I was very into this. Now hear me out. What better way to make up for years of racial mockery than the team paying tribute to the great Warrior Chief Tecumseh, who united various factions and indigenous tribes to build history's most successful liberation movement against the European Huns? A great idea, Suzzette, but in Daniel Snyder's hands, the Tecumsehs would have cheerleaders called "The Squaws" and a mascot named "Chief Score-a Point-a" by week's end.
3 - The DC Diesel's - Ryan from Hyattsville I am very into this one: a tribute to the legendary number 44 John Riggins, the player who once attended a State Dinner smashed and told Supreme Court justice Sandra Day O'Connor to "lighten up" before passing out under the banquet table. This name would connect with our proudest football traditions. Also Riggins used to have a Mohawk and currently appears as Mitch Hendon on "Guiding Light." The Diesels? This might have to happen.
2 - The DC Go-Gos - Keandra of Ft. Washington. Love this name, a tribute to that distinctive musical hybrid of soul, funk, and bass, truly indigenous to the Nation's Capital. This was narrowly defeated because it was felt that outside of DC people would think it was a tribute to Belinda Carlisle and that is just unacceptable.
1 - The Washington Reds - Dave - Upper Marlboro (no relation). Let's get the word skins out of there and make Washington football a true people's team. Here are the rules of the new Washington Reds: Everyone in a union will get full access to the luxury boxes, beer will be a dollar a cup, parking will be free, and the stadium seats will be equipped with voting boxes so the fans can decide one play in every quarter. Also during halftime, 20 people in the crowd will be randomly chosen to speak at mid-field in front of 80,000 fans. The best speech will win a stuffed animal of our new mascot: The Danny Boy.
That sounds good to me. Hey Snyder, are you ready for some football?