Today's Tiger Woods press conference was an exercise in painful self-abasement that will achieve the opposite of its intended effect. I haven't seen anything this painfully scripted since the Phantom Menace. The same George W. Bush media advisers who gave us Mission Accomplished were hired by Tiger to present the world with Emission Regretted.
There are right now two kinds of people on earth: those who would die happy if they never hear the name of Tiger Woods again and those who want their pound of flesh. The people sick of the Tiger Woods drama could care less about his marriage, his personal life, and today’s awkward, script reading. Those who want their pound of flesh, are itching for Tiger to do the stations of the tabloid-cross: Oprah, tears, and "humility." "He owes us an apology," they say. What they don’t say is that an uncomfortable part of this is as American as apple pie: a prurient obsession with black male sexuality – particularly those African American men involved with sports. From boxer Jack Johnson to Tiger Woods, a sex scandal is never so juicy as when men of color are at the center of it.
Tiger is no Bill Clinton and he tried today, but the day’s carefully scripted message served to satisfy neither those sick of this story nor people who like their reality television in-the-raw. Tiger spoke repeatedly and vaguely about "never repeating the mistakes I made" and "running through the boundaries of acceptable behavior." I’m sure he believes he humbled himself, but the chum is now officially in the water. This particular chum stinks to the haters and just makes the
fanatics hungrier.
But both sides don't get the central dynamic of today's Seinfeld-like press conference (it was about nothing). This is about brand rehabilitation for the first billion dollar athlete. This was about game-planning to get Tiger back on the course for the Masters in April. Apologies were forthcoming for Tiger's business partners, as well as the people who "work for me” at Tiger Woods, inc.
Now he returns to the "sexual addiction clinic in Mississippi" (to help those wealthy men who get caught with their pants down. Men who aren't caught need not apply).
The sad truth is that you could feel that Tiger Woods the man clearly wanted to get up and say, “I publicly apologize to my wife and family who I have publicly humiliated. To everyone else, it’s none of your damn business. Affairs happen. Welcome to the grown-up table.” That might have felt right to the Tiger the man, but today we saw what you do when you’re a brand before a man.
[Dave Zirin is the author of the forthcoming “Bad Sports: How Owners are Ruining the Games we Love” (Scribner) Receive his column every week by emailing dave@edgeofsports.com. Contact him at edgeofsports@gmail.com.]
I want to commend DZ on analyzing or rather psycho-analyzing the TW press conference. Most people would brand(love the term) TW as a scoundrel(albeit a capitalist one) but Dave puts our capitalist society on the couch instead of Tiger, and then he links Tiger's situation with boxer Jack Johnson of the early 20th century. Boy, I didn't see that coming. Freud would be so proud of you. In fact I'm going to recommend DZ for an honorary degree from the mail-order college of his choice . Dave major will be the elevation of the obscure to post-modern relevant
i just took his conference as a talk-piece for his sponsors. The only ones needing to apologize is the MSM & sheeple for plastering this story all over the place. It's obvious this is a non-story and, at the most, a blip on the radar screen. Otherwise, unless it was an attempt to admit guilt for, say, the OKC bombing, switch the feed to the corporate sponsors so they won't get in a panic over whether he'll return anytime soon...LOL!
To me this was least of all an apology to his wife and children. It was a bit more of an apology to his fans, and a notch above that to his corporate sponsors. But mainly this was an apology to the white, elitist world of golf enthusiasts. Woods sounded like a servant apologizing to his master for inappropriately lusting after the neighbor's daughters. Weighing the offense against the monetary sacrifice Woods can or better yet MUST be forgiven. For Tiger that forgiveness doesn't come without that heavy weight of his master's disappointment being lifted off of his shoulders. A modern black freeman would have told those elite, white moralists who felt betrayed by the black man whom they thought was different to "screw-off". But as modern as Woods may seem, he is no freeman. He has lived his life devoted to a game approved of and run solely but white rich guys and even though he has become their meal-ticket, one gets the impression that he is still mentally enslaved. Now, deep in Tiger's heart does he have an affection for these masters? Probably not. He is a human-being and on top of that (despite) what he says, he's a black human-being and the fact that he is a black human-being has never been so evident to himself as I'm sure it is today. With that in mind I don't believe it is possible for Woods to talk himself out of feeling differently than any other black man throughout the course of history who has had to beg forgiveness from those he believed controlled his destiny. And that feeling is one of deep resentment toward his master. Blacks have always been the most clever people at appeasing those who so desperately need to be appeased; sometimes that appeasement is brilliantly calculated in order for the black man to progress in the long run, and sometimes that appeasement has been out of ignorance and fear. It remains to be seen whether Tiger is a brilliant or a modern man with a slave mentality. But as I have eluded to in the beginning of this commentary, my guess is it's the latter.
It makes me feel good to know that I'm one of the elite because I play golf. I also didn't know that my golf game was approved and run solely by white guys. Thanks to Moose for explaining,and I'm quitting golf right now and taking up hockey.
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Dave Zirin is the author of the book: "Welcome to the Terrordome: The Pain, Politics and Promise of Sports" (Haymarket). You can receive his column Edge of Sports, every week by going to dave@edgeofsports.com.
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